Your Check, Sir
by MidnightBlue88
Summary: Vernon goes on a date, only to find himself interrupted by the one person who could make his night a living hell… John Bender. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Breakfast Club.

Summary: Vernon goes on a date, only to find himself interrupted by the one person who could make his night a living hell… John Bender.

A/N: I know that all of the people reading my other stories are going to hate me for posting this before updating my other stuff, but I couldn't help myself. I'll update 'Not As Easy' very soon, alright? This is dedicated to Kristen (TWbasketcase) for inspiring me to write this utter nonsense. Cheers, dude.

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Your Check, Sir

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June, 1985  
Shermer, Illinois

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Richard Vernon stepped out of his brand new 1985 Ford Mustang and shut the door behind him. He stood there on the street for a moment straightening his tie and fiddling with his gold-plated cufflinks. He'd dressed up a bit more than usual that night, under the circumstances, choosing a white suit and a black button-down shirt and matching them with a white and green striped tie that the sales girl said looked really good with his skin tone. Paired with the cufflinks and a simple, but elegant gold chain, he was looking his absolute best and he knew it.

He'd met Janet through a dating service that promised he'd find his soul mate in 90 days or less. Vernon didn't really give a shit about finding his soul mate, but, on the other hand, he was growing tired of the fact that his only female company those days came from twelve bikini clad supermodels smiling at him from his wall calendar. It was time for a change.

Vernon took a deep breath and looked up at the moon, which was full. Wasn't that supposed to be a bad sign? He shook his head and pulled out a pack of breath mints, popping one into his mouth. He didn't believe in stuff like that.

Adjusting his tie one last time, Vernon stepped out of the street and walked to the front door.

----------

"So, tell me about your job."

Vernon cleared his throat and looked up at Janet, who was sitting across the table from him, watching him expectantly. She wasn't a beautiful woman, but she wasn't ugly either. Her dark brown hair was pulled back with combs and her dress was just short enough that he'd gotten a couple quick glimpses of her thighs when they were in the car. "Well, uh… what do you want to know?"

"Well, you're the principal, aren't you?"

Vernon nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"So, tell me about your students."

Vernon pasted a tight smile onto his face. "Well, uh, they're wonderful. Very bright and, uh…creative." _And arrogant and worthless and disrespectful and-_

"You must love your job."

"Oh, it's, it's fantastic. Very rewarding."

"Uh huh."

Vernon squirmed in his seat, wondering where their waiter was. They'd been seated nearly five minutes ago. Where the hell was he? "It's such a gift, you know… to be a part of their lives and, uh, to lead them into a brighter future." He smiled pleasantly at Janet, who appeared to be eating it up.

"That's wonderful, Richard."

"Yes, it is." Vernon ran a hand over his tie and took a deep breath, attempting to focus his attention on the conversation. "Kids today, they need strong leadership, you know? Someone to lead them and, uh, someone they can respect and look up to. Like a mentor."

"I'm sure you're an inspiration to them."

Vernon did his best to look humble and solemn. "I try to be."

"I'm sure you affect them more than you know."

Vernon smiled gratefully. "Really, it's the students that affect me. They're just so special, you know? So-"

"Dick!"

Vernon felt all of the blood drain from his face. He knew that voice. It haunted his dreams at night, taunted him in his waking hours. Was he dreaming? He didn't think he was, but-

"Dick, it's so good to see you!"

Vernon turned to see John Bender standing next to their table, grinning from ear to ear. When he saw the horrified expression on Vernon's face, he smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry…_Mr. Vernon_."

Vernon's eyes grew wide with shock. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Bender pretended to look hurt. "I work here." Before Vernon could respond, Bender turned to Janet and smiled pleasantly. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. I'm John, one of _Mr. Vernon_'s former students."

Janet smiled. "Hello, I'm Janet."

Bender nodded politely and looked back at Vernon, who felt like he was having a heart attack. "I just couldn't believe it when I saw you sitting here, Mr. Vernon. It's been so long."

_Not long enough. _"Yes… a long time," he croaked, reaching for his water.

Bender nodded and pulled a note pad from his apron pocket. "Well, I guess I should take your drink orders. After all, I am your waiter."

Vernon started choking on his water. "What?"

"Your waiter." Bender looked concerned. "Are you okay, Mr. Vernon? You're looking a little pale."

"I'm fine," Vernon said angrily. "_You're_ our waiter?"

Bender nodded enthusiastically. "When I saw you walk in, I traded tables with one of the other guys. I couldn't miss an opportunity like this."

_Yeah, I'll bet you couldn't. _Vernon cleared his throat and let out a deep breath. "Well, it looks like we're in for quite a night then."

Bender's innocent smile transformed into a devilish smirk. "Looks like we are."

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"Are you sure? Because we can eat somewhere else. I know this great little-"

"It's fine."

Vernon sighed. He'd been trying unsuccessfully for the past couple of minutes to convince Janet that they should leave, but Janet was having none of it. She thought it was _wonderful_ that Vernon was getting the opportunity to reconnect with one of his former students after such a long time.

"Well, I don't…I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable," he lied.

"Richard, really, it's okay." Janet nodded encouragingly. "He seems like a really sweet kid."

Vernon almost snorted, but caught himself just in time. "Sweet?"

Janet nodded. "He obviously looks up to you."

"Looks up to me," he echoed.

"Don't you see it?" Janet smiled. "He idolizes you."

This was almost too much. "I, uh, I don't know about that."

"I do. I could see in written all over his face. He was so excited to see you."

_Yeah, I'll bet he was._ Vernon knew that Bender wasn't really glad to see him… at least, not for the same reason Janet thought he was. More than likely, he had something up his sleeve, some practical joke he'd been waiting over a year to play. Vernon shifted around in his seat and balled up the napkin in his lap. _I'm onto you, Bender. You just go ahead and play your little joke. I'll be waiting._

As if on cue, Bender walked up to the table carrying a small tray with their drinks. "Pinot Grigio for the lady." He placed a glass of white wine in front of Janet, then reached for Vernon's glass of red. "And the Merlot for you, sir."

Vernon cleared his throat. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Bender nodded at the closed menus in sitting front of them. "Are you ready to order?"

Vernon nodded stiffly. "I'll have the-"

"For you, ma'am?" Bender smiled at Janet. "What will you be having?"

Janet looked over at Vernon, frowning slightly, then back at Bender. "Thank you. I'll have the ziti."

"An excellent choice. And for you, sir?"

Vernon glared at Bender. _Smug little prick thought he could make me look bad? I'll show him. _"Actually, Janet, that sounds fantastic. I think I'll have the same."

Janet gave him a tight smile, then took a sip of her wine. Bender made a few notes on his pad and took their menus. "I'll have those out in just a minute."

Vernon watched Bender leave, then reached for his glass. Just before he took his first tip, he stopped. What if he'd put something in his drink? Some kind of truth serum or laxative maybe? Vernon looked around the restaurant and spotted the manager standing a few feet away talking with one of the waiters. "Hey!"

The manager looked up uncertainly, then excused himself and walked over to Vernon's table. "Is there something I can help you with, sir?"

"Yes, I'd like another drink."

"Is there something wrong with the one you have?"

Vernon glanced over at Janet, who was watching Vernon with a confused expression on her face. He picked up his wine glass and took a long sniff. "It smells funny."

The manager seemed taken aback by this. "Alright. I'll, uh…I'll get you a new one." He picked up Vernon's glass and walked back to the bar.

Vernon let out a deep breath. _Gotcha, Bender. You thought you had me, but I'm smarter. _He looked up at Janet, who was frowning.

"It smelled funny?" she asked.

Vernon nodded. "Yes, it, uh, it smelled a bit old."

Janet furrowed her brow in confusion. "It's wine. It _is _old."

Vernon cleared his throat. "Well, what I meant was that it smelled as though someone had left it out too long…you know, open."

Janet nodded uncertainly and took another sip of her drink. Less than a minute later, the manager returned with another glass of red wine. "I opened and poured this one myself, sir."

Vernon took a sip. "Thank you. Much better."

The manager nodded and left the table. Vernon looked back at Janet. "So, uh, tell me about your job. You're a secretary, correct?"

Janet nodded distractedly. "Yes."

"And where do you work?"

"For C.A.P.S. It's a non-profit organization that finds homes for stray animals."

So she was one of those people. The ones that braked for squirrels and hugged trees and shit like that. "What wonderful work. I'd love to hear more."

Janet started telling him about the organization and what _wonderful _work they did for those _poor_, _innocent_ little animals left homeless every day. Vernon nodded as though this fascinated him and looked around as discreetly as he could, wondering where Bender had disappeared to. Since he'd foiled his last plan, was he setting up something new, something bigger? _I gotcha once, Bender. I can do it again._

"I mean, don't you think?"

Vernon looked back up at Janet, who was waiting for him expectantly. "Oh, yes, of course." What the hell had she just said? "Um, that's fantastic."

Janet's face darkened. "Thousands of cats and dogs stranded every year is _fantastic_ to you?"

"Oh, no, of course not!" _Shit! _"I just meant that your organization is fantastic… you know, for helping those poor animals." Vernon took a deep breath, hoping she'd buy it.

Apparently, she did. Sort of. Her face softened a bit and she cleared her throat. "They do such good work," she said stiffly.

Vernon nodded emphatically. "Yes, I'm sure they do. I'm sure they-"

"Your baked ziti, ma'am." Bender lifted a steaming plate of pasta from his tray and placed it in front of Janet. "Now, be careful. It's _very _hot."

Janet smiled. "Thank you."

Bender nodded appreciatively and picked up the next plate. "And for you, sir." He placed the dish in front of Vernon. "I had them put some extra cheese on it just for you."

Vernon narrowed his eyes at Bender. "Extra cheese?"

Bender nodded pleasantly, but Vernon could see the evil glint in his eye. "Just for you, sir."

_So, that's your little game, is it, Bender? Well, I'll show you_. Vernon looked down at his plate, then over at Janet's. "Actually, I think I want hers."

Bender frowned. "I'm sorry?"

Vernon motioned over at Janet's plate. "I think hers looks better. I want it instead."

"Richard!"

Vernon glanced over at Janet, who was looking at him as though he'd grown two heads. "I mean, I…" He wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. "I, uh, I just don't really like too much cheese."

Janet just stared at him. Finally, she sighed and put down her napkin. "Fine, switch. I don't care."

"No, no, it's alright." Bender lifted Vernon's plate from the table. "I don't want you to have to switch, ma'am," he said, smiling apologetically at Janet. "I'll just get you a new plate, sir."

Oh, this wouldn't do. This wouldn't do at all. He'd just go to the back and get a new plate and put in the same poison or sleeping potion or narcotic he'd put in there before…maybe even more this time. "No," Vernon insisted, reaching for the plate. "No, I don't want another."

"Careful, sir, it's hot and-"

Vernon ignored him and grabbed the steaming plate from Bender's hand. The dish burned his palm and Vernon dropped it onto his lap, yelling loudly. "Fuck!"

"Oh, my God, sir. Are you okay?"

Vernon looked up at Bender, who was faking concern. "Does it look like I'm okay, you arrogant little shit?"

"Richard!"

Vernon looked over at Janet, who was staring at him with a horrified expression on her face. "He didn't mean to!"

"She's right, sir. I'm so sorry. Let me help you-"

Vernon stood up and slapped Bender's hand away. "Lose the act, Bender! I know what you're doing, alright? I'm onto you! I've been onto you all goddamn night! You can't fool me!"

Bender looked hurt. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand."

"Like hell you don't! The wine and now the food! You thought you were so smart, but I had you figured out right from the beginning! Who's the idiot now, huh?"

Bender didn't say anything, just stood absolutely still. Vernon glanced around the restaurant to see that everyone was staring at him silently, some with disgust and others with amusement. He looked over at Janet, who was still glaring at him from her place across the table. Without a word, she stood and collected her purse from the floor.

Vernon sighed. "Janet, don't-"

She stopped him with a withering glance. "Don't you even dare! This whole night you've been nothing but rude and inconsiderate to me _and_ to him!" she yelled, motioning at Bender. "And I'm through with it!" She looked up at Bender. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. Sorry you had to put up with him tonight and all those years at school!" With that, she stormed off, her short blue skirt waving goodbye as she passed.

Vernon turned back to Bender, more angry than he'd ever been in his entire life. "Look what you've done!"

"What do you mean, sir?" Bender's tone was innocent, but his mouth had curled into a smirk.

"You know what I mean! You did that on purpose!"

"No, sir. I didn't mean to. I can even get you another plate if you'd like."

"I don't want another plate. I want to leave and never see you again for as long as I live!"

Bender nodded understandingly and reached into his apron pocket, pulling out a small piece of paper. He handed it to Vernon, his face glowing with triumph.

"Your check… Dick."

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A/N: Please review! 


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